The term 'toxic masculinity' might be uniformly used more often. It is simplistic and needs little explanation. The whole concept and its practices are abhorrent. I wish all women would stand against it. Some women are still stuck (I'm not sure they know why) in the worshiping the patriarchal system. Print media has recently been having articles dancing around aspects of this: prisons, trans-gender -- topics that should promote conversations at the marketplace and on the bus. I will never understand why women are not more vocal in this regard, unless they are trapped in a bad relationship where they feel their voice is muted for safety; or they are personally benefiting from the model but at the same time not enjoying fulfillment by participating in society more fully themselves. Society does not benefit from this model of behavior and it's painful to watch such immaturity.
Contemporary parenting education distinguishes between old school authoritarian parenting of punitive berating and violence, and instead implementing the better alternative of authoritative parenting of effective communication and consistent rewards/praise and consequences.
Such a good point to make and a goal to aim for. I wish men in the US would be more vocal about these issues, and women's issues. I bet there would be a lot of fathers willing to contribute to this cause if they saw an opportunity. Thank you.
Ruth: On this Father’s Day, I’m thinking of my own Dad who is no longer with us. I believe he would have agreed with your sentiments here, based on the kind of man he was. Thank you for writing this piece and highlighting who the ‘real’ men are and who they are not!
A couple good-dad examples. Dads-on-Duty: in response to frequent violence last fall, in Southwood High School, 40 Shreveport LA dads of students, volunteer to be hall monitors … no guns, no aggression, just their presence eliminates the student violence on the campus. Pete Dominick has been a virtual mentor for 1000s of other dads, seeking to become anti-toxic males, on his various radio programs and podcasts … and has made it a top priority to use his media platform to showcase 100s of brilliant women like Ruth
Timely and touching. I have heard, anecdotally, that many of the men arrested following the insurrection had convictions for domestic assault or other crimes. I wonder how many attending had healthy relationships with their partners or children.
RBG: Moving on from monsters, what values and behavior should we encourage to create good leaders?
AS: My working definition of ethics is the capacity to restrain yourself. That's really at the core of it. It takes quite a measure of psychological and psychosocial maturity to hold back on certain kinds of impulses. The impulses common to all the authoritarians that you write about and all the fraudsters. These are people who are functioning ultimately on a primitive level psychologically, even though they present in the world as exceedingly high functioning and sophisticated.
The answer to your question about values is to love children more and better. A lot of the experience of being cared for, being attended to, of not living in anxiety or fear, of being well fed and having your fundamental needs provided for -- these are absolutely antidotes, not just mitigants, to a lot of the bad behavior that we see in the world.
Thank you for the positive role modeling example to add contrast. I have to believe with various articles I'm reading in print media and then more liberal news shows that this conversation is being brought up or churned about in some minds between the significance of guns/ assault rifles, possible overturning of Roe and the J6 hearings documenting bullying behavior. Conversations on the street and the dinner tables are a good thing.
It's puzzling to me that women cannot as a group get more traction on this, at this moment in history. I believe in respect for all genders and appreciation of the differences we garner. For the life of me, I cannot understand why men, collectively would want to overturn Roe. It seems not in their best interest perhaps if women become more restrictive. The only gain is raw power, and opens the door to new money sources of peddling children and thus their pocketbooks. Once the children are born in society, this group (GOP) could care little.
As with any change, sometimes groups have to go to more staunch measures to bring the needle back closer to the center point and shake this badness out several degrees. Women along with real men can be incentivized by remembering the children and all those that are to follow.
I was raised in the 1950s-70s, my late father was a gentleman as were all his friends. It was a pleasure to be in their company. They embraced changes in women's rights without feeling threatened and saw benefits to themselves and their families. They quietly respected women.
The strongmen variety, toxic masculinity type are the same formula as bullies. They thrive on each other. Separate them, or take them on 1:1 (Jake Tapper/ Rudy interview), and they lose their potency, their messages crumble. The irony of Tucker Carlson's image of tanning is that I believe, that could deem you impotent, as was the fear with old fashioned x-rays. It's so off the charts immature.
Grateful to hear of the positive men out there. Grateful for all the real men I know. Grateful we stand together as a people.
Thanks.
A great description of Trump's men.
Thank you, Ruth.
After Donald's 12 million voter "growth" in 2020, I am afraid toxic masculinity is only going to get worse.
The term 'toxic masculinity' might be uniformly used more often. It is simplistic and needs little explanation. The whole concept and its practices are abhorrent. I wish all women would stand against it. Some women are still stuck (I'm not sure they know why) in the worshiping the patriarchal system. Print media has recently been having articles dancing around aspects of this: prisons, trans-gender -- topics that should promote conversations at the marketplace and on the bus. I will never understand why women are not more vocal in this regard, unless they are trapped in a bad relationship where they feel their voice is muted for safety; or they are personally benefiting from the model but at the same time not enjoying fulfillment by participating in society more fully themselves. Society does not benefit from this model of behavior and it's painful to watch such immaturity.
Being a father is about love …….
Authoritarian fathers love, but have a different set of values that underlie their often oppressive expression.
Contemporary parenting education distinguishes between old school authoritarian parenting of punitive berating and violence, and instead implementing the better alternative of authoritative parenting of effective communication and consistent rewards/praise and consequences.
Thank you, Ruth. I’ll be passing this on!
Such a good point to make and a goal to aim for. I wish men in the US would be more vocal about these issues, and women's issues. I bet there would be a lot of fathers willing to contribute to this cause if they saw an opportunity. Thank you.
Ruth: On this Father’s Day, I’m thinking of my own Dad who is no longer with us. I believe he would have agreed with your sentiments here, based on the kind of man he was. Thank you for writing this piece and highlighting who the ‘real’ men are and who they are not!
A couple good-dad examples. Dads-on-Duty: in response to frequent violence last fall, in Southwood High School, 40 Shreveport LA dads of students, volunteer to be hall monitors … no guns, no aggression, just their presence eliminates the student violence on the campus. Pete Dominick has been a virtual mentor for 1000s of other dads, seeking to become anti-toxic males, on his various radio programs and podcasts … and has made it a top priority to use his media platform to showcase 100s of brilliant women like Ruth
Timely and touching. I have heard, anecdotally, that many of the men arrested following the insurrection had convictions for domestic assault or other crimes. I wonder how many attending had healthy relationships with their partners or children.
RBG: Moving on from monsters, what values and behavior should we encourage to create good leaders?
AS: My working definition of ethics is the capacity to restrain yourself. That's really at the core of it. It takes quite a measure of psychological and psychosocial maturity to hold back on certain kinds of impulses. The impulses common to all the authoritarians that you write about and all the fraudsters. These are people who are functioning ultimately on a primitive level psychologically, even though they present in the world as exceedingly high functioning and sophisticated.
The answer to your question about values is to love children more and better. A lot of the experience of being cared for, being attended to, of not living in anxiety or fear, of being well fed and having your fundamental needs provided for -- these are absolutely antidotes, not just mitigants, to a lot of the bad behavior that we see in the world.
https://lucid.substack.com/p/alexander-stein-on-the-psychology
Thank you for the positive role modeling example to add contrast. I have to believe with various articles I'm reading in print media and then more liberal news shows that this conversation is being brought up or churned about in some minds between the significance of guns/ assault rifles, possible overturning of Roe and the J6 hearings documenting bullying behavior. Conversations on the street and the dinner tables are a good thing.
It's puzzling to me that women cannot as a group get more traction on this, at this moment in history. I believe in respect for all genders and appreciation of the differences we garner. For the life of me, I cannot understand why men, collectively would want to overturn Roe. It seems not in their best interest perhaps if women become more restrictive. The only gain is raw power, and opens the door to new money sources of peddling children and thus their pocketbooks. Once the children are born in society, this group (GOP) could care little.
As with any change, sometimes groups have to go to more staunch measures to bring the needle back closer to the center point and shake this badness out several degrees. Women along with real men can be incentivized by remembering the children and all those that are to follow.
I was raised in the 1950s-70s, my late father was a gentleman as were all his friends. It was a pleasure to be in their company. They embraced changes in women's rights without feeling threatened and saw benefits to themselves and their families. They quietly respected women.
The strongmen variety, toxic masculinity type are the same formula as bullies. They thrive on each other. Separate them, or take them on 1:1 (Jake Tapper/ Rudy interview), and they lose their potency, their messages crumble. The irony of Tucker Carlson's image of tanning is that I believe, that could deem you impotent, as was the fear with old fashioned x-rays. It's so off the charts immature.
Grateful to hear of the positive men out there. Grateful for all the real men I know. Grateful we stand together as a people.