This Father's Day, A Call for an Anti-Authoritarian Model of Fatherhood
And a poignant story of a "virtual dad" on Instagram
Father's Day always brings forth affecting accounts of parent-child relationships, but the one that struck a chord in me this year was this story of Summer Clayton, a 26 year old fitness trainer who has become a virtual dad to millions of young people on Tik Tok. He holds a virtual chat once a week, laying out a plate of food for his “children” watching him. He asks them how their day was and teaches them life skills, from shaving to coping with loss. The handle of Clayton's account, @yourprouddad, sums up the positive and loving spirit he transmits to the millions who look up to him as a father figure.
Clayton's audience size speaks to the void of fatherhood and the larger crisis of masculinity we are living through in America. That crisis has nothing to do with the claims Fox ideologue Tucker Carlson makes in predicting "the end of men" at the hands of feminism, anti-racism, and democratic "softness." The idea that male "hardness" is superior is found in Fascism, as is the glorification of violence.
My research for Strongmen found that male status anxiety in the face of progress has created the conditions for brutal and corrupt male figures to be elevated to leadership positions. The anxiety could be around gender equity, or (in America and Europe) fear of non-White men and women surpassing them and "taking their jobs." Replacement theory plays effectively on such fears.
It is striking that there is no paternal equivalent (that I know of) to Moms Demand Action and other mother-based advocacy and activist organizations that work to reduce gun violence and other dangers to families and democracy in America.
It’s time to activate fathers as part of a broad-based pro-democracy movement and as resources for young people. At a time when the GOP embraces a lawless masculinity that spreads homophobia, misogyny, and machismo throughout society, promoting an alternate vision of men and fathers is essential.
Ruth: On this Father’s Day, I’m thinking of my own Dad who is no longer with us. I believe he would have agreed with your sentiments here, based on the kind of man he was. Thank you for writing this piece and highlighting who the ‘real’ men are and who they are not!
Such a good point to make and a goal to aim for. I wish men in the US would be more vocal about these issues, and women's issues. I bet there would be a lot of fathers willing to contribute to this cause if they saw an opportunity. Thank you.